PLANES, RAIN AND BUTTERFLIES

WAITING FOR MY DESTINY AT THE AIRPORT ON A RAINY NIGHT 

That familiar smell If aircon and damp upholstery greeted my senses as soon as I climb the bus, which made me thankful for that egg, hotdog and rice combo I ordered at terminal carinderia. i’d like to mention first that I always get motion-sickness no matter how smooth the trip,  but that is not the point of this story 😂

The terminal is just starting get busy as a flurry of local and foreign travellers alighted from transport van from the city. There’s still a few people aboard my bus. as I look out my front seat window, i’m trying to make a list of all the possible things I forgot (I tend to worry a lot), and then when i’m positive I did not forget anything, I tried to worry about the weather. It was sunny, but with my province’ erratic weather, you can’t tell. I calculated i’d be in the city at 4pm. Still enough time to drop by the mall and change from my travel cloths.  

Okey,  I must admit i’m trying to distract my self from the real reason of this trip: the love of my life, my LDR, my one and only,  my fate, my destiny, my dearest R is coming to visit for 20 days! he’s gonna travel more than 8,000 miles, 4 airport stopovers and i‘m the one feeling nervous and happy and ecstatic and excited and anxious! (all kinds of feel) lol 

The 5-hour trip from El Nido is smooth by itself, so smooth that i didn’t woke up from my nap if the bus conductor did not announced that we’re going to have lunch at a highway carinderia. 

We arrived at 4:30pm in the city, dark clouds started gathering and as I alighted from the bus to hail a tricycle,  the smell of impending rain is in the air.
I dragged my two overstuffed bags and a native handcrafted basket on the security table at the entrance of the mall while a security personnel looks at me puzzled but gave my bags a prefunctory check (i’m secretly crossing fingers that none of my undergarments are visible lol) and let me go. I left all my luggage at the baggage counter and started to find the nearest comfort room, when i remember that I need  clothes to change in to. 

I took out my rubber shoes, and clean shirt and a jacket, my make up kit and beauty stuff (😜 i just want to look beautiful for my honey) and proceeded to change and apply those. I dropped by the french patisserie’ and got 2 large clubhouse sandwiches (i savagely bit into one).  There’s a full blown rain after outside. I checked the time and it’s 5:20pm which sent me in an instant panicky mode. I tried to recall the new airport location and take the nearest tricycle to take me there. 

As we enter the airport, i told the driver to take me to the ARRIVAL area, he glanced at my bags and said maybe it’s the DEPARTURE I mean. I said i’m sure I want to be in the ARRIVAL area. It’s 5:44 and I’m trying to collect my composure 

I took one of the wooden chairs that resembles a washed out log from the beach and put my bags underneath before whipping out my phone, camera on ready, eagerly looking at the door marked “ARRIVAL”. I tried to relax,  and noticed some of the people waiting as well, staff from hotels carrying placards with the name of the person they have to pick up and bored tourist transpo drivers. I asked an old lady near me if they’re also waiting for the 6pm flight and she said yes, she’s waiting for her son too. By this time i can feel strong wind and rain blowing on our direction, puddles forming  on the walkway and lightning illuminated the roof of the building across while thunders boomed in the distance. 

The ink on placards carried by hotel staffs started to blot, the cardboard soft and damp,  when we hear the first sound, air whizzing as an aircraft tried , and as the dismayed placard-carriers told us, failed to land,  due to bad weather. 

This news was further enforced by alarmingly sharp lightnings. I must confess i’m scared of lightning and thunder, and being in an open area with vertical roofs doesn’t help much but my anxiousness is overriding any of fears at the moment I think. 

There’s 4 more failed landings after that as the area was mercilessly pounded by rain. With each sound of approaching aircraft, me and my fellow airport wait-ers would glance at each other, asking silently who will go next to the security personnel at the arrival area to ask if it safely landed, what’s the flight number and if the flight we’re specifically waiting was cancelled for the night and re-scheduled. It’s 8:30pm, the flight bulletin board still flashed the airline name of flights scheduled to land, tho some turned back to Manila to await for the weather to clear. I squinted and try to read the airline names, but without my glasses,  all I can see is a blur. And this point, i’m starting to worry about R and hoping his aircraft is safely back in Manila.  I wonder what’s he’s thinking of this crazy unwelcoming weather here. 

(and hoping that at the airline is serving them good dinner at least) 😂


The rain started to slow down and finally settled into a drizzle when I heard a flurry of activity. A flight safely landed!!! 

So i took out my mirror,  apply a dab of powder and a light lipstick to wait near the ARRIVAL door. 

but alas! it’s not the flight i’m waiting! 

So back on the waiting area, arranging and re-arranging my bags. All the while ignoring the feeling on the pit of my stomach, trying not to worry. 

There’s 2 more flights after that, and my rush to the arrival area was fruitless. But I’m positive about the last one coz i’m sure the weather mixed up the scheduling pattern of the airlines, this time i stayed just a few meter at the arrival door. 

so positive that I applied a full lipstick and a thicker foundation, and a generous dab of cologne, again. 😂😂😂 

I watched as the passengers trickled out of that door, scanning each one. but to no avail. my R’s not there. I peeked inside the glass panels where i can see less than 10 people queuing for the baggages, trying to see familiar details, trying to read every the movements, but i’m he’s simply not there. 

I have to mention that I know in advance that phone communication isn’t possible between us as US phone network will not work here in the Philippines, so i’m not expecting to hear from him through his phone. 

as the last one of the passenger, the son of the old lady I waited with walk out and greeted by his mom, my tears trickled and i walk fast behind the columns, feeling overwhelmingly confused. what happened? where is he? 

I tried to recall our last phone conversation, few minutes before he rode an UBER taxi to Houston Airport. 

I checked my phone, desperate to do anything. to get an answer, only to be greeted by 2% phone battery. 

my thought’s in chaos as I walk back to where i left my bag besides some hotel staff preparing to leave, trying to stay calm and think. The people gathered at the waiting is is dwindling, everyone seems happily reunited with the person they’re waiting for.  lucky 

Should I call mama? should I message his sister, his friends to ask what happened? but my phone’s dying. 

With a just a bit of my conscious thought left, I decided I have to find a lodge or check in into a nearest inn just outside the airport premises, so I could charge, change clothes,  then get back and spend the night at the airport. I just have to be close, I felt I needed to be at the airport. 

I talk to one of the van driver and ask if I can get a ride just outside the airport. he said yes but we have to wait coz he’s waiting for another flight! 

a flight! another flight! but the security at the door said there’s no more flight for the night! 

I instantly felt awake and full of energy as i step into the puddles, nearly forgetting to thank him, unmindful of my clothes, my make up melting in the rain. 

then I noticed that tricycles are arriving bringing in new people to wait. 

That last flight landed, and for what seems to be an eternity, at nearly 10pm, the first of the passengers stepped out that door, one of them wearing blue stripes and pushing a cart, talking to airport staff, I can’t even see his face because of my helplessly blurred vision but i know it’s him. I just know

I step towards them without hesitation, the rain feels cold, and my pants and shoes are soaked, but I heard my name! my mascara running down, my lisptick all blotted out, and hair plastered unflatteringly to my head, but I just needed to get to him and touch him and make sure he’s alright! 

I spent thousands of hours rehearsing this very moment I my mind,  trying to come up with a memorable line, but all i can say when I hugged him is “at last!😂😂😂 wow. 

I can see his blue eyes become confused for a second, trying to understand what bump/hug him (i’m heavy lol) before turning at it’s bluest as he recognized me (at least he did not get scared lol)

Apparently the agency in Singapore where he booked transfered him to another flight in Manila because they said he might missed his original Manila – Puerto Princesa flight and he’s been trying to contact me using the Singapore airline employee’s phone, even searching for my Facebook to send  a message to assure me but my facebook page’s not searchable to other people that i don’t have mutual  friend with.  He’s also worried that I won’t be at the airport when he lands because of all the delays and asked the airport staff to announce my name on the PA system of the airport 😂

Being a romantic person that I am, it amazed me so much how there’s many contributing factors that could ruin that moment, many little inconveniences, many delays, many hindering factors, lost of communication etc, and how it turned out to be alright and perfect at end of that airport episode.

~ I know that this sounds cliche’ but the moment I touched him, everything vanished, every particle of the universe makes sense, and i saw all the goodness in the world. my heart sung, and my ear blocked out all the noises of the outside world, and I only want to be immersed in the warmness of his embrace. That’s where I belong, in his arms, the place where I should be, the one I’ve been looking for my whole life through, where every path leads me too, where I found the other half of my soul, the fulfillment of my every wish, my every dream. ~ 

It’s nothing short of magical, better than any soup on a cold night, better than choco chip cookies or pizza or burger or coffee (and I’m a super duper coffee fan, mind you lol) 

I even forgot that people are watching, and it’s raining lol i could’ve fallen asleep in his arm right there if he did not moved 😂 

Everything turned out to be just perfect. 

(well, until we rode the taxi and i saw myself in the mirror, I look like an alien and predator hybrid with my runny make up, but thanks to the dim interior of the car he seemed not noticed 😂😂😂, sorry to sound obsessed with my appearance, it’s just so funny how I applied powder 3 times, lipstick 4 times during the course of waiting, only to let him see me looking like a washed out, pale starving vampire😂)

And I assure you there’s more. I’m excited and very happy to share about our amazing adventures together on the next post, so stay tuned!

Happy Weekend, everyone! 

Kiss someone you love today and hold their hand every chance you get. Seize every moment. 

Amor Vincit Omnia. 

let love conquer you x 

Love, 

your island girl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~my dearest R, 

I know deep in my soul you’re there, somewhere across the thousands of miles away even before I had the idea of what a romantic love is, in my childish notions and imaginings. And I’m glad i’ve waited for you, as only as a love as special and magical as ours deserved to be waited for. I must admit you shattered all my imaginings and my fantasies, all my expectations, my thoughts… because what we have is far more than profound and meaningful than I could ever define, than what all the books i’ve read said, than all my researches. 

I love you. 

yours, infinities😘


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SAVE SOME SPACE IN YOUR LIFE FOR FAIRYTALES

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“I know what you want. It is very stupid of you, but you shall have your way, and it will bring you to sorrow, my pretty princess. ” – The Sea Witch, Hans Christian Andersen,  LITTLE MERMAID

Fairytales are made up by same stuff that compose our dreams, or nightmares, sometimes. It is where imaginations best manifest itself. But when we look closely and lift the mist that separates fantasy from reality, you’ll see that imagination is ,after all, a figment of our own reality.

The world is a very dark place. Everyday we are bombarded by news about  criminalities, war, disasters, and death. But it’s also full of beauty,  happiness, hope, kindness and love, above all. So like all the fairytales we had grew up with.

When i was young, my late Lola (my mother’s mother) used to tell me and my cousins a lot of bedtime stories.Tales about beautiful maidens waiting for their long lost true love by the sea, of a man  led by an old hag to the cave full of treasures only to be tricked and  sacrificed to dragons, about the endless journey of a boat to the end of the world in a quest to find heart of gold,  of mermaids pulling down sailors to to their kingdom deep down the sea, to deep dark abyss, about how flowers bloom everytime a new born cries, and my favorite, the little candle’s soul flying up the skies to bring your wishes to heaven on your birthday.

I can’t remember the full  details of these stories now, I was always disappointed when a seemingly perfect story were ruined by chance, or choice, destiny or plain evillness in the story, so I tried to persuade my lola to change it the way I want  and go for a different ending. But she will always refuse, telling me that things always happen far from what we expect, and that we just can’t simply change it to accommodate our will most of the time, but we have the choice to fight and survive the challenge. She will then explain why a particular detail affected the ending, why the maiden should have boarded the third  boat that came, instead of spending her life waiting or a prince that will never come back.the point, I think is all about a better judgement on this one.

My lola’s family is from a long line of healers and their beliefs in the keeper of the lands, Anito, the fairies and the unseen, were passed deeper and deeper down each generation along with their abilities to explain the “inexplainable”. Though my grandma is a devout Catholic, she also believed in the superstitions and old wives tales. Like all the old dwellers in the island where i grew  up, she won’t pass old trees in the forest without asking permission to the unseen Inhabitants lurking near.

The first batch of newly harvested Mais (corn) is often grilled so the guardians of the crops will enjoy it’ essence too. As a witness to all these tribute to supernatural, (although I haven’t seen any winged creatures waving a wand  personally) , I always have respect for those who believe in the old ways.

Through all these stories, i had my first glimpse of reality. That sometimes we have to experience pain, like the little mermaid, not just to learn, but to feel life and love.

I can say that i have learned so much, sometimes, the hard way.

Of all the fond memories of my childhood, story-telling nights with my lola always  brings bittersweet tears. I miss her.

And as I’ve learned from all those tales under the silvery glow of the moon, life is full of road that seems to lead nowhere, of trickery, of darkness waiting to close in to you at your most vulnerable.

You may not be the ideal princess, but you  have fought and won real battles against nasty witches, beast and dragons, and still trying to survive to find  the trail out of this world’s wilderness everyday.

I know not all the frogs you’ve found in the past did not changed into handsome princes, or that they never came back (some were regular trolls haha) but i hope that at least you have found some true hearts made of gold along the way, as i had, from my real-life fairy godmothers who believed in me, and saw the real princess beneath all the  rags.

Paint all your reality with colors of happiness, and make every waking hours full with glitters of hope. It doesn’t matter what the world expect from you. Write your own story,  find your own path, create your on  backdrop,and save some space in your heart for those who are  yet to come in your life.

Good rainy afternoon from Palawan!
 

Memories of Ever Changing Tides

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“Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind. ” -Alice Meynell
             
As i watch children at play, I can’t help but think of my own childhood and wondered where all the years, the memories and the laughter had gone away. I remember playing at the beach near our house in El Nido, gathering shells and those plastic scraps tangled with sea weeds washed away by the tides with
my cousins.

I can still feel the wind against my skin as we sit at the tiny balcony after supper of boiled fish and new rice, the moonlight adding to the flickering light of the gas lamplight. Secretly eating a contraband sweets, with my Mama and Papa talking
about distant future, I felt like the whole world has stopped turning, and there, right on that balcony, in an island where the only sound that breaks the silence of the night is the sound of tides kissing the sand, nothing can ever touch me.

I always look back at the moment as one of most real and sweetest memory of my younger years.

But as i learned later, Life really is a surprise waiting to happen. When i started  High School, little cracks begun to appear on my tranquil world. Suddenly I have to leave that safety, the shells, the comfortable confines of my secure surrounding.

I had to travel 2 hours to my school on our watercraft on Sundays and go home on Friday afternoons. I hated this routines.
I was away from parents for the first time, to take care of myself and adjust to social challenges after being in a secluded life in the island where I know everyone around. Sometimes I pretend to be sick when its time to go back to school.

Not all summer brings sunshine and laughter. Our family had to go through problematic and disastrous episodes that looking back now, it all seems like a nightmare. Like watching a storm trying to destroy a house. Like dark ominous clouds in my mind’s horizon.

Darkness always left a scar. There was a point that I stopped dreaming, believing and wishing. I lost my perspective. The world became a very dark place for me.

I will not go further and bore you with all that details, it belongs in the past.  I’m glad we survived all that, and stayed together through the storm.

Through all of this, God, in his infinite wisdom, took the helm and directed my life to where it’s supposed to be.

And it was never the same again.

My memories of High School are written in sepia tones, and blotted ink of calligraphy, the kind of pages that belongs to a special treasure chest, along with mementos and snapshots of moments past. Nice to look at,  but of no real value to the present, except for lessons learned.

Fifteen years after,  a lot had change, but as i look back, i chose only to think of those happy summers picking cashew nuts as reminder of that childhood.

Along with the changing of the winds, the season, faces, the tides brought new opportunities and took away things. Some of my childhood friends attended college in Manila and we seldom saw each other. Others never came back and instead found new shorelines.

I’d like to think that they’ve made better choices and have happy lives wherever they are now.

Me, I have dreamed awesome dreams, and wished amazing wishes, and it was all granted… Even ones I haven’t said aloud but kept in my heart. And all other life surprises I didn’t even asked for…beyond my mind can reach sometimes.

As my 29th birthday draws near, I promise to count my blessings. After all,  not everyone  has been granted to live this long.

And through the ever changing tides of this journey, I welcome another chapter. I look forward to bigger waves. Because I know,  I am the captain of my own journey, and with God on the helm, nothing will ever go wrong.

May we all have a Long, Wonderful and Happy Journey!

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3 THINGS FROM LAST WEEK (AND IT’S REALLY GOOD TO BE BACK!)

happiness-quotes-cover-photos-2Last week has been crazy for me, my stars must be really misaligned or terribly arranged in an unlucky line. First, I was sick that I have to take days off from work and stay in bed with only my books and tasteless soups. Second, I broke my phone and third, I wasn’t able to access my first WordPress Account for some reason, which saddened me terribly more than anything( more than the tastelessness of the soup).

The good news is… I survived! thank God, I am fully recovered, the sun is shining brightly again, I have a new phone and surprise! I have a new WordPress Account! *wink* and all is well in this world again! I am just so happy I’ll probably believe you if you tell me the unicorns are out to cavort in the field.

And it just felt so wonderful. The feeling of normalcy, of having everything in control.

Truly.